He Teaches Me

Have you ever loved someone so much that you almost wanted to kiss those restless feet of theirs for the particular path they’ve taken, the many obstacles they’ve overcome, all the changes that had to happen to finally get them at the right place at the right time – to you?

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to find that one person you could feel confortable letting invade your personal space, showing all your flaws to, gaining weight around, shouting at, wanting to run to, but then, suddently, from, arguing with, pissing off, throwing things at, making jokes about, exercising your shitty dance moves with, waking up ugly next to, sharing fears, incapacities, weaknesses and, ultimately, yourself, as you are, as you change, as you’d want to be, as you’ll never ever be again – with?

Have you ever let someone so deep inside you that you could actually feel the consistence of their emotions – and you slowly discover that you are the reason for every single one of them?

Have you ever put someone else first just because they belonged to you, even though they were absolutely nothing like what you had in mind when you kept repeating to yourself all the amazing things your soulmate would do, but in the end you still had the kind of story your grandchildren would eventually know by heart:

‘At the beginning I didn’t care too much for your grandfather. Actually, I thought he was ugly, uninteresting and unattractive. But he wouldn’t give up and kept chasing me for a year. Finally, I gave it a try and never regretted it since. And here we are, fourty years later. He is the love of my life, carries the biggest heart one can have and still is the most generous, romantic and patient man I have ever met. If I were to start all over again, no matter how many times, it would only be him. Always. There is nothing he wouldn’t risk, no challenge he wouldn’t accept, no mountain he wouldn’t climb for me and not once has he said ‘No’ to whatever crazy, impossible dream I had. He gave me such beautiful memories and I regret nothing except putting him to all that trouble! You see, I’ve always been a little temperamental. Did I tell you about that time when he almost killed a man because of me?’

‘Yeah, grandma, about a thousand times!’

‘Grandma, you know what I want to be when I grow up? Happy like you and grandfather!’

Have you ever found your own purpose in someone else’s?

Have you ever done something nurturing, unconditional, simply out love for someone else, like making sure they ate and even if they did, you’d still buy them sandwitches and smoked salmon, three different pickle jars because they once mentioned they were craving, two differently flavoured cheesecakes just to make sure, their favourite lemon juice, their favourite soda, potato chips because they might want something salty later – they always do – and a chocolate bar? Never ever forgetting the chocolate bar…

Have you ever had so much faith in someone, that praising any other God would become blasphemy?

Have you ever wanted to say YES, I DO to someone in every possible way?

Have you ever been happy and careless – for the first time in your life – because your loved one’s curls were resting on the other pillow and you could watch them sleep as much as you wanted to, knowing that they were so vulnerably yours – has this ever been all you needed?

Have you ever spent years and years in silence, dreaming, imagining, obsessing, concentrating, waiting patiently for someone to become as ready for you as you knew you were for them?

Have you ever let someone take care of you and open you up gently, elegantly, with no big words or no words at all, only with undisimulated affection and without you even noticing it until it was too late and you two were  bonded for life, like french angelfish, albatrosses, turtle doves or schistosoma mansoni worms…?

Have you ever been so enamoured that you could see yourself growing old together, having two children – one curly haired girl and one green eyed boy, both a bit too wise for their age…and speaking of age, the boy is five years older than the girl and always looks out for her, teaches her about life, love and everything in between and she looks up to him never doubting that she’s his favourite girl – one Golden Retreiver and probably more than just a stray cat that one of us rescued from some shelter, a small house somewhere far, far away from the rest of the world, a porch and a garden full of dandelions and all the roses he gave you throughout the years, an old pick up where you listen to jazz and have old fashioned parties by, a library filled with old books, a fireplace where you gather around every Christmas and share memories of everything you went through – together?

Have you ever trusted someone so much that you desperately need them to trust you?

Have you ever felt not only ready, but willing to die for someone if they asked you to?

Have you ever missed someone so much that leaving everything you knew, loved, fought for and following their footsteps, searching for their footprints all over the world seemed to be the craziest, but the most logical thing to do?

Have you ever felt so close to someone that there were no more secrets, no uncertainities, no arguments, only time, peace, intimacy, trust and something very important he’s been meaning to ask you almost since you first met but never found the perfect moment to?

Has ever your body whispered ‘I love you’ to someone becoming warm, gentle, beautifully shaped, not only your temple, but also theirs since that moment on?

Have you ever?

 

I haven’t

 

but I’m wearing his love as we speak.

Like my favourite dress, like sunlight, like the first day of spring, like coconut oil, his love is all over me.

And he teaches me.

Continuously.

Patiently.

Sometimes, privately.

And I’m really learning like maybe – just maybe –

one day, this would be the story we’ll annoy our grandchildren with,

like maybe – just maybe –

we’ll get to be the same people I’ve written about.

In the meantime, he teaches me.

 

Rochie LOVE, ASOS

Cizme vintage

Geantă turquoise, no name

Manşon blană iepure, vintage

Green Eyed Kisses,