Alienation

An obscure blog post made me realize I’ve been an awful human being lately . To the friends that have been trying to get in contact with me and the ones who gave me a helping hand at some point in my life and I haven’t even wished “happy birthday” this year – I am truly sorry about it.

Messages and questions, I never seem to find enough time for. To conversations over the telephone I prefer isolation (laughable as it may probably seem, I think I might even have developed a form of telephonephobia, where giving and answering calls have become dreadful, unpleasant activities) In the rare occasions I even engage in a message conversation, after a few lines I stop responding, leaving unfinished questions and answers floating in the air. Try as I might, I can’t find the right way to explain to anyone that it has nothing to do with them, it’s about me and my relationship with technology. So I’ve started losing them, one by one.

I also have no more patience for small talk or mundane matters. I want to be blown away by topics of conversation that make me search further, deeper, look for answers and meanings. I want to feel my mind expand and change everything I’ve known up to this point. I want to explore truths invisible, incredible to the untrained eye. I never want to go back to the state of obliviousness and ignorance I have been living in. I want to never look at things the way I did before, I need to doubt everything and pull myself away from all the programmes I’ve been taught to treat as irefutable realities. I want to reboot as my true self.

This is what I expect from a conversation, in a selfish attempt to find my own meaning.

  

On the other side of things, each of us seem to be living in totally different worlds. More than ever I now see deceit, mass neurolinguistic programming, devils and symbols, false prophets, sin, agony and lure, decay, evergrowing organisations of robtized individuals, low frequencies, powerful elites, mockery, delusion, selfproclaimed carriers of truth, marionettes, magicians and dark rituals, flat-earth theorists, manipulators and mind controllers. What do you see?

[Speaking of flat-earthers, having a friend who unexpectedly became one made me want to dig deeper and find out a few things about this movement before deciding whether or not to categorically dismiss it (and them). I came across a bunch of ad-hoc explanations, unreliable theories and fabricated proof that we actually live in a flat, enclosed space, with no possibility of ever leaving, as participants to an experiment conducted by a high power – which was a little hard to swallow, but also details and footage that made me question whether NASA’s Apollo11 mission did in fact happen or not. As always, something occured that took away the seriousness of the whole situation and I accidentally landed on the funniest, most compelling conspiracy theory channel belonging to “Conspiracy Music Guru”, a very talented english musician. What makes him so special is his way of bringing both the flat earthers and round earthers together and that is through the power of music and humor – well, depending on which side you find yourself on, you will or will not find the humor. Not him though, he takes himself seriously and really believes in all the things he sings about. So, for your meantal health, maybe not listen to his music more than a couple of times.]

I think my most important “woke” moment was three years ago, when I decided I could live happily ever after (and without) Facebook. I switched from being addicted, to not checking my page for days and then weeks, up to the point where I completely lost interest in it altogether. I haven’t been so addicted as to need professional help, but I must admit I’ve spent much too much time trying to keep alive an online persona who participated in conversations, posted photos, different articles and obscure music bands for others to know how interesting she was, but all of a sudden all that just didn’t seem to be worth it anymore. I understood that people could very well continue to live without my opinions, photos and music, as I could easily move on without theirs. In the end, nobody really cared.

Less than a year ago I found some interviews of former and present Facebook owners and among other things it was admitted that the methods used to make people come back to casinos were the same Facebook used to create “psychological cravings” and that it triggered different forms of ADHD in both children and adults, crippling them socially. If only I could explain this to my mother who has only just discovered and believes it to be one of the most pleasant ways of spending her time (until your mother has joined Facebook, you have no idea what it’s like to get constantly bombarded with all the information she thinks is extremely important for you – which is absolutely all of it).

Around the time I decided there was no place for Facebook in my life anymore, I also gave up watching TV, a drastic but necessary move I had to make in order to quiet the mind from all the misleading voices and characters that had nothing to do with me. It came naturally and the world has become somewhat better, more bareable (except for my continuous alienation from it).

  

My only connection to the outside has since been my laptop and boy we’ve been through amazing journeys together, but because I rarely watch the news or read the newspapers, the information I come in contact with often gets truncated, so everytime my father and I talk, he complains about my refusal to be an active part of whatever is going on at that moment and constantly inform myself about the things he considers important, which is mostly Romania’s political happenings (I’ve grown up with stashes of newspapers all around me: under the bed, under the livingroom table, in my parents’ room, in the bathroom, on the balcony and the only newspapers I actually enjoyed reading were “Cațavencu” and “Revista Magazin” – they still are, so I could say that I’ve been a pretty informed human being until I decided I didn’t care about any of those things, they weren’t mine)

I guess I’m getting a little fed up with everything others believe to be important and presented to us as news in order to distract and keep us away from real information. Just as in the Matrix or The Truman Show.

I may have forgotten what the outside world looks like, but don’t you dare feel sorry for me. It’s nothing but a mirage, a mere collection of insidious faces and imposed realities designed to keep us away from achieving goals and creating a better place inside ourselves, where it actually matters.

  

In the end, it all depends on what you want to acknowledge. Some spot movie errors, others can sniff out conspiracy theories from hunreds of miles away, me…I just want to understand the kind of world we are sending our children into and know if this is the best reality we could have come up with for them. So maybe, in order to make the world a better place for us and the generations to come, we should take a step back first and distance ourselves from what we have been programmed to acquire and believe in up to the point of complete alienation and listen to our intuition instead. It might do us good. It might even save us.

River Island ruffled blouse

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No name belt

Mango glitter sandals

Green Eyed Kisses,