Lady Cojones

I just got back from Amsterdam and, boy, what a trip that was!

As it was going to be my first solo trip in six years and I was a completely different person from the girl that used to inhabit this body six years ago…a lot older, a lot tired, a little wiser, more grounded,  far from desperate to see and taste and feel all there is and not miss out on anything, not chasing after people and thrills as much and yet more enthusiastic and passionate about the many, many subtleties of life than ever, the important questions were starting to pop up again. One question in particular: what did I want from this?

I didn’t know where to begin my journey, what to expect from it or what to do with myself whilst there…I was completely lost. All I knew was that I really needed to get away from London for a while, push some new limits and learn more about this new exciting person I had become. But for that to happen, a new context had to be created. So where would I let myself be lead to?

  

I’ve been thinking about trying Ayahuasca for some time now, but for that some deeper research would be needed in terms of finding a genuine shaman, a monetarily convenient  flight to Peru, than possibly another flight, than the boat that would take me across the Amazon river to the secluded area where the ceremony would take place etc . Not to mention the cost of this challenging spiritual journey, that would  definitely exceed the allowance for Raluca’s batshit crazy things to do at the moment. Bottom line, it may not be the time for an Ayahuasca experience just yet.

But perhaps a similar experience, where I’d still have the chance to meet and explore a different self, test it and mould it and play with it, carry one last fight with whatever is left of my shadows, fears and limitations and, my God, dive deep into this overwhelming sense of freedom I’ve just awakened to…

So where in the world would I know for sure if I still got what it takes to make it outside of my comfort zone? What’s only one hour away by plane, is well known for it’s little boats, windmills and canals, romantic scenery, bicycles, non judgemental inhabitants and gives new meanings to the term “self-exploration”, what’s a place I’ve already been to when I was six (but with much, much more limited options at the time?) Oh, I know, let’s take us to Amsterdam!

Now, if you expect the next couple of articles (the ones related to my latest experience) to be informative and you’re maybe looking for some guidance and help or some useful tips perhaps, in case you too decide to visit, don’t.

It’s about to get chaotic in here, but that’s only because…I didn’t follow any of the steps I usually take when preparing a trip. I didn’t follow any steps actually. I just watched a bunch of Youtube videos, found a host on Couchsurfing, checked the weather a couple of times and put together the most ridiculously colourful, touristic looking and weird wardrobe – that the unprepared eye can handle – and an equally attention grabbing umbrella and that was pretty much it.

Other than that, no previous research was made, no map was downloaded at any point, no clue was had about any of the important details some people seem to care about, like what options do I have in getting from point A to point B, or what is a complete no-no when it comes to Danish people? or hey, as long as I’m here, what’s a place I simply can’t miss?  – a day into my trip I realized I didn’t even have enough money changed in the proper currency and as I was there, I didn’t even bother to find out where their famous Albert Cuyp Market was actually located at. I couldn’t even get myself to visit Anne Frank’s museum (and I’m such a sucker for museums), although the highlight of my trip would have been the Vrolik, had it not been closed due to fear of Corona spreading. Absolute chaos this vacation was, I tell ya. I was like an Amish fellow who decided to run away from his village and somehow got teleported to Tokyo. But this is what made every moment such an adventure.

In all honesty, what I did and didn’t do, how I ruined every single aspect of what a vacation should be all about, was the complete opposite of my m.o. I’m usually super curious about a new place I visit, practice intensive research for months ahead, watch documentaries, ask people, read articles…this time, none of that.

 

But, boy, did it get dangerous and exciting, did it make me question some of my most important decisions and did I have fun with it, which brings me to one of the important realizations I’ve had at the end of my stay, which is this journey was not at all about the conventional things – not about food,  spirituality, cultural exploration or outside stimuli (although there were plenty of those); but about self-sufficiency in a completely new, possibly hostile environment, adaptability, survival to some extent too, sleepless nights on the canals writing, empowerment, finding quick solutions, being completely present but most of all, it was about liberating the mind.

That being said and after thoughtful consideration, I am now ready to make the boldest statement yet: every (mature) person should try some sort of (natural) drug at least once in their life and not for the wrong reasons (forgetting about problems/partying/losing themselves in a fantasy world/running away/just because/hey, there’s nothing on TV, let’s take something.

I’m talking about taking drugs as a form of self-discovery, introspection and setting the mind, body and spirit free from all previous programming – as long as it doesn’t become an addiction, as long as it doesn’t create monsters – actually, monsters might be good. Of course, everyone’s experience is different. I took ‘shrooms and boy, did they reveal some unacknowledged truths. The fact that I was alone in an unknown place, in full daylight, carrying important documents and money, didn’t allow me to go as deep as I could have and journaling the whole experience as it was happening somehow kept me focused and grounded and present during my trip. Some interesting things came to light that day.

Somehow I got to discover more than I would ever have imagined – mostly about myself, as usual. I conquered Amsterdam on my own, red eyed, crazy haired, wearing a fanny-pack, a ridiculously large backpack, colours upon colours, walking the perfectly empty streets at three o’clock in the morning reeking of Amnesia and Wish by Chopard, sometimes holding a takeaway box with a nutella crepe inside (my first meal of the previous day), completely unprepared for whatever I was doing and looking like the weirdest, most out of place person in a town full of drugged wackos.

Nevertheless, I still conquered Amsterdam on my own.

Green Eyed Kisses,