No narrow minds allowed beyond this point

I remember the moment I told my father I couldn’t care less about him disapproving of the way I had chosen to live my life. Up to that point, I had no idea I had the power to set myself free from anything and anyone who was draining to me. I used to be chained to my parents’ conceptions and experiences so much so that I would often deny and repress my own beliefs for fear of not disappointing them. Until one day I realized I was crassly failing at life because of it. I wasn’t happy, wasn’t putting any love or passion in the things I was doing that seemed so important to them because they weren’t mine and my soul was rejecting them.

As much as he thought he loved me, my father never really believed in me. Everything I did or didn’t do disappointed him. But what I couldn’t grasp then was that HE was always disappointed and that was something HE had to sort out with himself. Those were all HIS problems, not mine. Instead, I thought I would be forever stuck in a place of unfulfillment. Then one day I left home and realized I was doing just fine without his input. I mean, yeah, life was effin’ hard, harder than it had ever been, but at least it was a life, my life, I was alive, I was finally living it on my own terms, I was starting to build something on my own, I was ready to take full responsibility for my mistakes, I was just happy to be there, in the middle of things, taking charge, looking for my own place under the sun.

But the chains were still there, resurfacing every time I went back home. He’d tell me how I had accomplished nothing, how he still didn’t have any reasons to believe in me, how I hadn’t proved myself to him in any way yet. And as much as I’d fight the impulses, those words still burned me alive. I was still chained to his image of me. I still wasn’t completely free.

Until February, when I went to Bucharest and finally told him “Hey, dad, you know what? The only person in this world I have anything to prove to, the one person I have unfinished business with – is me. From this point on, I have no intention of continuing to feed your own insecurities and unhappiness. From this moment on, I am setting myself free from you and your karma. Unless you have something uplifting to say, I don’t want to hear it.” That was a huge milestone I had overcome. I had never felt lighter. Of course the love I had for him was still there, but I had given myself permission to live my life as I pleased, no remorse, no further explanations. He could take it or leave it, the choice was his.

Then another strange thing happened to me: the longer I stayed in Bucharest, the less at home I felt. That wasn’t my hometown anymore, nothing was right, I didn’t want to be there anymore. They had all become strangers all of a sudden. The faces, the same old mentalities, the fear, the superstitions, the lack of inner work, the joyless existence, the same old cesspool I went away from. All those burdains weren’t mine, those worries weren’t mine. There was nothing left to say between us. And I’m sure it wasn’t me, but all of them – too much self pity and no action. Too much cowardness. Too much hiding. Too little soul. Too little passion for anything. Too much lack. And then it struck me: I wasn’t feeling Romanian anymore. That town wasn’t home. That country wasn’t home. Had it ever been? Was it ever supposed to?

Once again, my love for all of them was still there, I had simply set myself free from chains and tags and socially acceptable norms – I stopped giving a damn about those long time ago – I would rather die young with a free, happy, mad heart beating in my chest than live a long, heavy-hearted life by following the socially acceptable rules I don’t believe in.

So…you’re now looking at a free woman. A woman who doesn’t need anyone’s approval. A woman who knows the part she’s playing in the world and she’s doing it with grace and a whole lotta soul. A woman who’s come to a point where fear is no longer an option. A woman who’s made peace with herself. A woman who knows that nothing is a mistake, but a lesson. A woman who wouldn’t trade her life for all the richess in the world. A woman who’s got everything to give and nothing to lose. A woman who’s healed herself and is now ready to heal others. An empath. An Empress. Fire, Earth, Water and Air. A woman who never wears a watch, because she knows that time doesn’t exist. A Magician. A woman who remains true to herself, regardless of the consequences. A woman who’s reflection in the mirror has become her best friend. A woman who’s found balance within. A woman who’s no longer just flesh and bones, but a legend. A woman who knows a thing or two about life. A warrior. A woman who will never let anyone else define her or her choices again. A woman who’s falling in love with herself everyday. A woman who knows her worth. A woman who wears her heart on her sleeve. A woman who knows that some battles are meant to be lost so she always lets go with grace. A woman who inspires. A woman who’s stepped in her power. A woman unlike any woman you’ve ever met before. A woman who’s got the whole Universe on her side. A woman who can read between the lines. A woman who’ll stay, for better or worse. A woman that’s more than what ordinary many can handle or understand. A woman who loves loud music and all kinds of sauces. A woman with an earthly ass, on a spiritual journey. A woman who doesn’t need anything more, because she’s been given everything she’s ever dreamed of. A woman who’s most important questions have been answered. A woman who’s not afraid of her body anymore. A woman who makes bold decisions and doesn’t believe in regrets. A woman who’s nearness feels like home.

A woman who’s become all this because you loved her with a love she’s never known before.

Green Eyed Kisses,